Est. 2026 · Vol. I · Independent

ANNOYING FUCKERY

Advancing civilization one eliminated stupidity at a time.

PACKAGING FOR A 2-GRAM MEMORY CARD REQUIRES SCISSORS, A KNIFE AND MINOR BLOOD LOSS

The card weighs two grams. The rigid welded clamshell protecting it weighs nineteen, cannot be opened by hand, and sends an estimated small number of people to urgent care each year.

PACKAGING FOR A 2-GRAM MEMORY CARD REQUIRES SCISSORS, A KNIFE AND MINOR BLOOD LOSS
Sample content. Rigid welded clamshell of the type documented in reader submissions.

Retail theft is a real problem and rigid packaging is a real answer to it. We want to be fair about that, because being fair is the only reason anyone should believe the rest of this page.

What is not defensible is the weld. The two halves of this clamshell are fused along the full perimeter, which means there is no failure point a human hand can exploit. The card inside is protected against a scenario nobody has described to us: crushing. It is not protected against the customer, who must now approach it with a blade.

Comparable products from three other manufacturers use a perforated tab, a peel corner, or a paperboard sleeve with a security tag. All three deter theft. None require a tool. The tooling cost of a perforated tab is, per the packaging engineer we consulted, "basically a different die."

The company has responded, which we credit. The response describes a review. Reviews are not fixes, but they are not nothing, and this page will record whichever one arrives.

Evidence & source material

  • PHOTOGRAPH

    Clamshell after attempted manual opening

    Perimeter weld intact. Attempt abandoned.

  • MEASUREMENT

    Mass comparison: product 2g, packaging 19g

    Calibrated scale, three samples.

  • PHOTOGRAPH

    Three competitor packages with tool-free opening

    All three retain a security tag.

Response from the responsible party

We are reviewing our retail packaging format for this product line, including tool-free opening options, with a target of next production year.

Vantik Storage Products · 21 Aug 2026

Editor’s noteThis is a genuine response with a date attached, and we have lowered the score accordingly. If the format ships, we will say so loudly.

Case updates

  1. 21 Aug 2026

    SCORE REVISED 8.1 → 7.4

    Reduced after a substantive response containing a stated timeline. Credit where due.

  2. 08 Jun 2026

    CASE OPENED

    Opened at AF 8.1 following eleven submissions.

Reader assessment

Reader votes are advisory. They inform the frequency factor; they do not set the score.

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